6 Sneaky Things Draining Your Energy (and What to Do About Each One)
If you feel like your battery is always at 20%, even on days that “shouldn’t be that hard, ”you’re not alone. Many of my clients walk into therapy saying, “I’m doing all the right things, so why am I still exhausted?” Often the answer isn’t one big problem; it’s a handful of small, everyday habits that quietly drain your energy all day long.
Below are six common, sneaky drains I often see in therapy. Each section includes how to recognize the pattern, why it’s so draining, and what to try (small, doable steps you can use this week). You do not need to fix everything at once. Changing one small thing consistently will give you more energy than changing ten things for a day.
Why Energy Drains Hide in Plain Sight
Energy leaks rarely look dramatic. They feel like “just being helpful,” “keeping the peace,” or “thinking things through.” Because they are socially rewarded (who doesn’t praise the reliable one, the strong one, the thoughtful one?), they go unnoticed. But the body keeps score. When your mind lives in overdrive and your boundaries live in underdrive, your nervous system spends the day bracing, pleasing, and proving. That costs fuel.
The good news: your energy is not just a personality trait; it’s a system you can tend. Think of the ideas below as tune-ups, not judgments.
1) Overcommitting Yourself
What it looks like
Your calendar is back-to-back with meetings, obligations, favors, and “quick” check-ins that are never quick.
You promise future-you will “have more time then,” even though future-you never does.
When a plan cancels, you feel a rush of relief that tells you: I needed that space.
Why it drains you
Your brain treats commitments like open tabs. Even when you are not actively doing the thing, you are tracking it. Overcommitment creates cognitive clutter, decision fatigue, and a constant sense of being behind. It also squeezes out recovery time, the kind your brain requires to focus, remember, and regulate emotions.
Try this
The one-in, one-out rule. For every new yes, choose one thing to postpone or drop. If nothing can move, your answer is “not at this time.”
The 24-hour pause. Instead of answering immediately, say: “Let me check my week and get back to you tomorrow.” This protects you from reflexive yeses.
Upgrade your no. Keep two sentences ready:
“Thanks for thinking of me. I don’t have capacity to take this on.”
“I can’t do that, but I could offer a brief call next week or share a template I use.”
Five-minute calendar clean-up. Once a week, scan for anything that doesn’t align with your priorities and renegotiate it early.
Energy check question: After I say yes, do I feel lighter or heavier? Your body often knows the answer before your brain catches up.
2) Holding In Your Emotions
What it looks like
You swallow tears, clench your jaw, or power through conflict to “keep things calm.”
You minimize your feelings: “It’s fine. I’m fine.”
You avoid topics because you worry your emotions will be “too much” for someone else.
Why it drains you
Suppressing emotions is like holding a beach ball underwater. It takes continuous effort and pops back up when you’re tired. Bottled-up feelings raise muscle tension and heart rate, interrupt sleep, and increase irritability. Many people were taught that “being strong” means being stoic, but true steadiness comes from processing emotions, not storing them.
Try this
Name it to regulate it. When a wave hits, pause for three slow exhales and put a simple label to the feeling: “Sad,” “angry,” “disappointed,” “lonely.” Naming activates parts of the brain that help regulate intensity.
Micro-release rituals.
Two-minute journal: “Right now I feel… because…”
Movement: shake out your hands, stretch your chest, or walk one block.
Water reset: splash cool water on your face or wrists.
One-sentence share. Practice short, honest lines that do not require a big conversation:
“I’m feeling overwhelmed and need a quiet night.”
“I felt hurt by that comment. I want us to be okay, and I need a moment.”
Create safe containers. Agree with a trusted person to have 10-minute check-ins, where the goal is only to listen and reflect, not fix.
Reminder: Emotions are data, not danger. They are messages about needs and values.
3) People-Pleasing
What it looks like
You say yes quickly and resent it slowly.
You apologize for things that are not yours to carry.
You feel responsible for other people’s moods.
You avoid setting limits because you fear being seen as selfish or difficult.
Why it drains you
People-pleasing spends energy in two directions: the labor of doing too much and the emotional labor of managing everyone’s reactions. It also creates quiet bitterness that erodes closeness over time. When care for others repeatedly overrides care for yourself, exhaustion is inevitable.
Try this
Delay the yes. Most people-pleasers struggle in the moment. Create space: “I’ll check and get back to you.” That pause allows your wiser self to answer.
Two-line boundary.
Line 1 names your value: “I want to be helpful.”
Line 2 protects your bandwidth: “I cannot take this on right now.”
You can add a small alternative: “I can point you to a resource.”
Share your limit, not your life story. Over-explaining invites debate. A simple, kind boundary is enough.
Practice receiving discomfort. Someone might be disappointed. That does not mean you did something wrong.
Tiny experiment: Choose one low-risk situation this week and try a small no. Notice your energy at the end of the day.
4) Comparing Yourself to Others
What it looks like
Scrolling leaves you deflated or agitated.
You mentally measure your timeline, accomplishments, or body against someone else’s highlight reel.
You feel either superior (briefly) or inferior (for a while). Neither feels grounded.
Why it drains you
Comparison hijacks attention. Your mind leaves your life to live in someone else’s story. It turns other people into mirrors for your worth, which is fragile and exhausting. Comparison also feeds shame, and shame prefers isolation, cutting you off from the very connections that restore energy.
Try this
Switch the scoreboard. Ask: “What do I actually value?” Create a values scoreboard: connection, creativity, kindness, learning—then track those, not likes or titles.
Compare you to you. Choose a time frame (last year, last month) and notice one way you have grown. “I speak up more.” “I rest before I crash.” “I check in on friends.”
Curate your inputs. Mute accounts that spike shame. Follow people who post process, not perfection; diversity, not sameness.
Turn envy into information. Envy points to a desire. Ask: “What is the ingredient in their life I admire?” Is it freedom, flexibility, community, play? Find a tiny way to add that ingredient to your week.
Two-minute gratitude for sufficiency. Name three things that are enough today. Enoughness steadies the nervous system.
5) Overthinking Everything
What it looks like
You replay conversations, plan contingencies, and research until decisions feel dangerous.
You confuse thinking with doing and feel safer when you have the “perfect” plan.
You delay action because “what if,” and then feel guilty for not acting.
Why it drains you
Rumination and analysis without decision burn glucose and attention while producing no external relief. Your brain stays in loop mode, which heightens anxiety and steals focus from meaningful tasks. Overthinking is a very understandable attempt to control uncertainty; the antidote is not “think less,” it is “act a little, then think.”
Try this
Differentiate problem-solving from rumination. Problem-solving has a goal, steps, and a time limit. Rumination is open-ended and past- or future-focused. Label what you are doing.
Time-box decisions. Set a timer for 15–30 minutes: collect enough information, choose a “good-enough” option, and take one step before you are 100% sure.
Floor and ceiling. For any task, set a minimum and a maximum. Minimum: one email, one paragraph, 20 minutes. Maximum: stop after two focused blocks. This protects you from perfectionism and burnout.
Create a worry window. Give rumination ten minutes in your day. Outside the window, jot the thought on a note and return to your plan. Paradoxically, making space for worry reduces its all-day intrusion.
Action first, clarity later. You do not earn clarity by thinking harder; you build it by trying small things and seeing what the world gives you back.
6) Neglecting Rest and Fun
What it looks like
Rest and play are at the bottom of the list and only permitted when everything else is complete (which never happens).
You tell yourself that downtime is wasted time or something you have to “earn.”
Even on days off, you feel compelled to be productive.
Why it drains you
Your brain is not a machine; it is a living system that needs cyclical recovery. Rest consolidates memory, regulates mood, and restores attention. Joy creates resilience. When fun is missing, motivation dries up and small tasks feel mountainous. When rest is missing, even good stress becomes toxic stress.
Try this
Flip the script: fun is fuel, not a reward. Think of energy like a wood stove—you add logs before the fire goes out.
Micro-rest menu. Keep a short list you can reach for: ten-minute walk, two songs you love, a cup of tea without screens, gentle stretch, sitting in sunlight, pet time, a page of a good book.
Plan a “joy appointment.” Put one small, specific joy in your calendar weekly with the same seriousness as a meeting. Set it and keep it.
Night routine that tells your brain it is safe to power down. Lights dimmer, screens away, two minutes of slow breathing, name three things that are done for today.
Ask the “real rest” question. What kind of tired am I—body, mind, or heart? Match the rest to the need.
A One-Week Energy Audit (Simple, Not Perfect)
If you like structure, try this for seven days:
Morning check (30 seconds): On a scale of 0–10, how much energy do I have? What is one action that would protect it?
Midday reset (two minutes): Three long exhales, shoulder roll, look away from screens for a minute, drink water.
Evening reflection (two minutes):
What gave me energy today?
What drained me?
What tiny change will I try tomorrow?
By the end of the week, you will likely see a pattern. Pick one drain to address for the next two weeks. Let small improvements build.
Journal Prompts to Help With Energy Drains
Overcommitment: “If I said no to one thing this week, what yes would it protect?”
Holding emotions in: “What feeling has been knocking lately? What would it say if I gave it two minutes?”
People-pleasing: “What is the cost of this yes? What is the cost of this no?”
Comparison: “What do I value and how did I live that value in one small way today?”
Overthinking: “What is the smallest next step that moves this forward?”
Neglecting rest/fun: “What is one form of rest my future self will thank me for tonight?”
For First-Gen Folks, Caregivers, and High-Responsibility Humans
If you grew up as the translator, fixer, or peacekeeper, or if you carry heavy caregiving or community roles, some of these patterns were survival skills. They helped you navigate real pressures. You did not do anything wrong. Now you get to update the strategy so it also cares for you. Boundaries are not a betrayal of your values; they are what allow your values to last.
How Therapy Can Help
If your energy has been low for weeks, you are waking unrefreshed, or anxiety, sadness, irritability, or hopelessness are crowding your days, it may be time to talk to a therapist. Support does not mean you are failing; it means your system deserves care.
Therapy can help you spot your unique energy map, practice boundaries that match your voice, and build routines that are kind and sustainable. It is not about becoming a different person; it is about becoming a steadier version of you.
You do not have to overhaul your entire life to feel better. Choose one lever, pull it gently, and let the momentum build. Maybe it is one fewer commitment, one honest sentence about how you feel, one boundary that protects your evening, one ten-minute joy. Your energy responds to care. Start small, and start now.
If you’re in Texas and looking for support with stress, anxiety, and boundary-setting, I offer individual therapy and free 15-minute consultation calls to see if we’re a good fit. Ready to take the next step? Contact me here to learn more.